Apu’s World

Do beggars annoy you? Does the sight of young children asking for handouts or women with babies dressed in rags make you mutter about ‘people who can’t do a honest day’s work’? Ever wonder why begging annoys us middle-class folks so much?

Sure, I’m not saying that every beggar on the road is deserving of your charity or that you must necessarily handover money. Yet, partly, it is a feeling that public spaces belong to us and they are just an eyesore taking up space. After all, it’s not hard to turn away without giving them a penny, so why the righteous anger? Perhaps it is a belief (which we may never articulate or even know that we have) that the poor deserve their poverty - that they didn’t do enough to get ahead (unlike us, hard-working and deserving folks).

Ex-IAS officer Harsh Mander has been writing about this issue in detail, and in one of these articles, he says, “Beggars are therefore seen not as a spectacular human tragedy but an impediment to traffic.” That says more about us of course than about the beggars on our roads. That article also provides some inputs from a study which found that, contrary to public perception, begging is not the first choice for most homeless people.

Beggars include abandoned children, the abandoned elderly, those from families that have broken up with the men migrating for jobs, the disabled, those ousted from their homes (repossessed for works of ‘public good’) and those displaced from rural areas due to famine and floods. Frequently, they may not know people in the new city/town they find themselves in and so, find it hard to get work. Ask yourself - would you hire a maid or a nanny who doesn’t have anyone in the locality to refer her?

Which is why, this ad (above) released recently by the Karnataka State Government riled me. While it has a few points on the centres set up for destitute people, the overall tone is one of how beggary needs to be penalized. Tellingly, the first 2 points on its list are about legal and punitive measures against begging. At the bottom (not visible in the pic) is a police phone number for people to call and report beggars. In other words, abdicate responsibility for the pitiable condition of people in many of Karnataka’s districts and focus on arresting them instead. Much easier, and a sop to middle-class vote banks that want a ‘cleaner’ city, never mind the human cost.

apu Other Social issues in India

It’s been almost a month since I’ve posted here; honestly, I have no idea why I’ve been away so long! Well, work was a little tight, and then I had a bad bout of sinusitis - which gave me a throbbing headache for over a week, so I was reluctant to spend any more time in front of the computer than necessary. On a more cheerful note, I also managed a trip to Goa - a delightful surprise planned by the hubby to celebrate our anniversary and his birthday, both of which fall close together. (It was even more surprising, because I am usually the trip planner-cum-coordinator).

In the meantime, I find that R’s mom has given me an award for being a creative blogger. Now, she has 7 rules associated with the award, and though I’m not going to follow the rest, the first one states that I must thank the giver, so - thank you, R’s mom, for the award and for your friendship, which I value. (And no, I’m not really thanking you just because the rules said so!)

I also found that the Hip Hop Grandmom had tagged me to participate in a contest for International Women’s Day, the topic being abusive relationships. Again, I’m not going to participate at the moment, but her post set me thinking.

I remember a distant relative of mine, a highly qualified surgeon, who got into an arranged marriage, only to realize after the wedding, that her husband bore no relation to the person he had claimed to be - in terms of education or employment. Her new family treated her poorly, and she was forced to do all the household chores despite her hectic schedule - they would not even allow her to hire a maid. Despite this situation and her periodic return to her parents’ home when things got too bad - she had two children in quick succession. And of course, once that happens, there is no walking out, because, then what will happen to the children’s future, right?

So, what makes such a woman - well-educated and financially stable refuse to think of other possibilities? I don’t know this particular woman’s reasons, but I do feel parents are one of the biggest reasons for young women putting up with abusive relationships. As the Indian Homemaker says, few Indian daughters can say, Mere paas maa hai. Of course, one may say that an educated woman should be confident enough to walk out on her own, irrespective of parental support, but life as a single woman in India is not easy, starting with simple things like renting a place to live. (Read Ramapriya’s spot-on post, Single in the City).

When children enter the equation, things become even more difficult. There is the guilt of taking something away from your children, of not giving them a stable life, of exposing them to difficulty in a society that doesn’t look very kindly upon divorce. It may also be that in some abusive relationships, the decision to use or avoid contraceptives may not be the woman’s. In any case, in most middle class families, there is immense pressure to have children as soon as one is married (or at least in a ‘reasonable’, socially approved time frame.

Inspite of being educated, some women may also have been taught that they must ‘adjust’ and that asking for fair treatment is unrealistic. Such things happen in all marriages, He will change once children arrive etc are common advice given to young women who want to opt out. As long as marriage is viewed as the holy grail and divorce as the end of life, few women will be able to end abusive relationships.

Thankfully, more and more young women are beginning to question such rigid norms and value themselves higher; more and more parents are valuing the real lives of their daughters over imaginary notions of honour. This is a good thing and we should be applauding people who have the courage to end such relationships rather than wringing our hands over the increasing rate of divorce.

(Just to make it clear, I do not in any way look down on women who cannot opt out of such relationships; while it may be very evident to the rest of the world, there could be a hundred factors that influence her decision, and it is not very helpful to look down our noses saying, oh, why does she stay if things are so bad).

apu Women & Feminism

To the lady (or gentleman) who landed on my blog four times, and by googling “The effect of not wearing Mangalsutra” each of these times, let me assure you from personal experience:

No, there is none. Your husband is not likely to pop off (or, if you are male, no, your life is not in danger). You’re not losing out on any good vibrations or other such pseudo-scientific benefit you may have been assured of.

In short, no effect. Not unless you count the disapproving looks of your mother, father, grandparents, sundry aunts and uncles as “effects”. Hope I have helped clear your mind a little.

(You may also find this post useful: Demonstrating Marriage - the comments in particular are very interesting and perhaps a reflection of the changes happening in our society.)

apu Women & Feminism

Over at Savadati, Shweta Krishnan has a short story, ‘All that Glitters’, which among other things, is on the humungous amount of money and jewellery that parents are expected to spend on daughters’ weddings. While it is true that parents spend an enormous amount of money on getting daughters married, it also set me thinking about a certain kind of ‘girls-only’ parents - i.e. couples with only girls as opposed to those who have boys or a boy + girl combination.

I have absolutely no data on this and am speaking only from people I see around me - but it sometimes occurs to me that, parents who do not have any sons are actually better prepared for life post retirement. I am of course talking mainly about people from the middle class and upper middle class, who have had the opportunity to save some money; not poorer people who would not have been able to save even if they wanted to.

When it comes to this class of people, it appears as if those who do not have sons are actually more self-reliant and better financially as well as mentally equipped for life after retirement. Why? Because, all their lives, they have lived with the assumption that they will have to fund their old age themselves. Because they do not know what sort of families their daughters will be given into, whether those families will allow a daughter to help her own parents. (And lest you think this is the sort of thing that happens only in movies - I can easily recall a bride-seeing ceremony where one of the questions that the groom’s educated and affluent parents had was: After the wedding, whom will the bride hand over her salary to?) Because a daughter’s support during one’s old age is still a pleasant surprise, a bonus - not something that can be assumed.

So, they plan their expenses much more carefully, they lay by a nest egg for themselves, perhaps they even skimp on things when they are younger. Of course, this is not entirely a bad thing, because it always feels good to feel financially comfortable and independent. Parents who have sons, on the other hand, often seem to feel a certain comfort that their old age will be taken care of. Which may or may not happen. Stories abound in India, of parents left destitute. Even if not driven to poverty, there are certainly parents who do not get the financial support from their sons, that they had anticipated.

The current generation of urban 50 year olds will perhaps be the first generation to start breaking away from the traditional Indian belief in children being an investment for one’s old age. Add to that the fact that disposable income, and therefore investments and savings have grown, allowing people to manage their lives better. (An interesting article, Why the elderly should matter to marketers, that reflects the growing affluence and purchasing power among a small segment of Indians.)

apu Other Social issues in India, Women & Feminism

There are murder mysteries that are all about the murder; tightly knit, with a closed group of suspects and a detective moving the spotlight from one to the other - think Agatha Christie’s And Then There Were None. And then there are murder mysteries where the murder is just part of the tale; where it really becomes an excuse to look at a larger setting and in the process of solving the mystery, gives us something quite different. Aditya Sudarshan’s A Nice, Quiet Holiday was one such enjoyable work, and this week, I’ve had the pleasure of reading another such work by an Indian author : Madhulika Liddle’s The Englishman’s Cameo.

Set in the opulent, yet fading Mughal court of Emperor Shahjahan,  The Englishman’s Cameo is part murder mystery and part historical novel, for its charms lie as much in its descriptions of life in the Mughal era. It’s protagonist is Muzaffar Jang, a somewhat atypical Omrah (nobleman) who prefers spending time with his books, pets and lowlife friends rather than indulging himself in wine, women and song, unlike other notables of the era. Thanks to one such disreputable friend, he finds himself involved in a murder mystery that soon turns out to be more complex than imagined.

Liddle excels in descriptions of Mughal era Dilli and its noble citizens - their wealth, decadence and hollowness are beautifully captured and the story itself set against the backdrop of an Empire whose best days are behind it. Against this backdrop, she also gives the characters some very natural dialogue that in English, nevertheless manages to create an image of the formal, beautiful Persian that must have been spoken in court. The Englishman’s Cameo is unlike a tightly knit murder mystery where one knows that the murderer will be chosen from an already introduced cast of characters. Here, instead, the plot keeps widening so that motives and murderers are quite unclear until the end.

I’ve never been a fan of tightly defining genres and elevating some books as literary while considering others mere genre fiction. The Englishman’s Cameo proves that a good genre fiction book can be as well-written and perhaps much more interesting than some books that claim literary merit.

Publisher: Hachette India

Price: Rs. 295

apu The Literary life