Apu’s World

The DVD of Love, Sex aur Dhokha has been lying around at home for some time, but it was only over this weekend that I got around to watching it. Directed by Dibakar Banerjee (of Khosla ka Ghosla fame), LSD is actually three stories in one, with peripheral links to each other.

The first one is a mushy love story, the second an MMS sex scandal and the third, about the media’s voracious appetite for ’stings’. It is the second and third stories that really hold your attention; the first one is slow to heat up and I almost forwarded a little of the first 10-15 minutes. Yet, my mind keeps going back to it. (This post isn’t a movie review though.)

*Spoilers here, beware!*

When the love story of Rahul, aspiring director at a film institute and Shruti, the “Simran” of his film begins, it is hard not to think of this love story as more a paean to DDLJ than anything else. Cheesy like the film they are making, it is hard to imagine that Rahul and Shruti really love anything beyond the feeling of being in love.

And yet, given the conservative family Shruti comes from, there is no possibility of their dating or getting to know each other. Love must lead to an elopement and marriage almost immediately. Rahul’s blithe confidence that after marriage, the family will “come around”, is almost revolting to watch in its stupidity. The end, when it comes, is gruesome, even though nothing of this honour killing is really shown.

Just yesterday, the Supreme Court has issued a notice asking the Central Government (and a few states), why they are doing nothing to combat the recent spate of honour killings.

The thing about us Indians is that we pride ourselves on our superior ‘Indian values’; we lose no chance to deride Western societies for their (alleged) lack of affection, ‘family values’ and morality. Nowhere is this more evident than in our smug attitude to the upbringing of children. It is so common to hear people talking as though Indians are the only people that know how to bring up children well - everywhere else, children are neglected, spoilt, abused and grow up to have no love for their parents.

And yet, this is the country where a good chunk of people are all too ready to sacrifice their children in the name of honour, society, family name and blah blah. Honour killing is one extreme end of the spectrum, but the unwillingness to accept children’s choices and their happiness as a primary consideration exists in many other forms, ranging from emotional blackmail to being ‘cast out of the family’.

Gajar-ka-halwa aside, we need to stop kidding ourselves. I suppose we have good and bad parents like everywhere else, but no magic beans that qualify us as the best parents on earth.

apu Media-Movies-Ads, Women & Feminism

Came across this article in the Hindustan Times on Trinidad & Tobago’s new Prime Minister, and - just look at that headline, “Indian-origin granny is PM of Trinidad’. Really? I mean, her being a granny is so critical to her achievement? They couldn’t find anything else to play up? Not that there is anything problematic with being a granny but quite why a female politician’s personal life/status should make the headlines when reporting on her win is beyond me. This would be like commenting on David Cameron’s win saying Father of 3 is UK PM! But of course, that won’t happen.

Another article, this one in an apparel & fashion blog, brings up the same-old-same-old, boring question, Were Indian Women Better Off as Homemakers? (Really, there should be a ban on this one!) The writer proceeds to answer his question with the following arguments:

1. We had our mother waiting for us at all times which played a very important role in our overall development.

2. Children, husband and home were in ‘harmony with life’ (whatever that means).

3. Divorce rates are rising now.

4. More nuclear families, hence security of the joint family missing.

5. Added responsibility for women since they have to manage both work and home.

Let’s dissect this a bit. Points No. 1 and 2 - children happy, husband happy, ‘home’ happy - what about the woman herself? No mention of that. Ah, I suppose this falls into the category of I live for my husband and children and don’t seek any happiness beyond that. Point 3 - yes, divorce rates are rising, but as I have argued before, divorce isn’t necessarily worse than an unhappy marriage. Which is what women were once forced to live with.

Point 4 - safety of the joint family - well, most adult women who have lived in joint families don’t have good things to say about them - the bickering, the politics, the one-sided control by ‘elders’. It’s only kids who have a rosy picture of joint families. Read the inimitable IHM’s post here on why young Indian women don’t like joint families.

and Point 5 - all the men who feel so sorry for women who have to balance the dual burden, here’s the thing - WHY DON’T YOU GET UP AND HELP?

Blah.

Finally, a lovely piece by Amrita on the hapless women of Indian Television, over at Women’s Web.

apu Women & Feminism

Cross-posted at Women’s Web

Former Haryana DGP SPS Rathore has finally had his sentence extended from a measly 6 months to well, a very-slightly-less-measly 1.5 years. No doubt, there is some justice here for the family of Ruchika Girhotra, a young girl who was driven to commit suicide due to the harassment suffered not just by her, but by her family.

Yet, most of us know that while one Rathore has been sentenced, there are scores of others who get away with impunity - they are never charged or the victim’s family is encouraged to ‘compromise’ or simply browbeaten into dropping the case, especially if the accused is an influential man.

While the Indian judiciary has to be commended for its many forward-looking judgements in such cases, the fact remains that the law in India moves at an intolerable pace. The impact of this is naturally much higher on the poorest and weakest sections of society as well as on women.

Those from low-income groups simply cannot afford the expense needed to come to court a hundred times, nor the time needed off from work. Those from so-called lower castes are often forced to drop cases, for fear of violence or social ostracism. And women? Women are encouraged to ‘adjust’ and make peace, either to ‘protect their honour’ or that of the perpetrator.

I read this account a long time ago, where a woman who was harassed on a train journey and went on to file an FIR realized what an ordeal it was just to get to filing an FIR in an Indian police station. And this was an educated woman, aware of her rights, a journalist with a reputed publication and therefore a person with some leverage. What happens to those with no such leverage is well-known - their cases don’t even get started.

So, unless the government is serious about police reforms and the judiciary really gets their act together and start moving much, much faster, sentencing one such man is of no use; it may give some courage to other such victims, but we need to do much more to ensure that no other young woman feels the need to end her life.

(This case also shows why we need separate child abuse laws; let’s not forget - Ruchika was 14 when she was molested. In all civilized societies, there is much heavier punishment for abusing children, who are among the most vulnerable classes in society).

apu In General, Women & Feminism

The last maid who worked at our house - her husband abandoned her, while she was pregnant with her first child. Then, when she stopped working at our place, we got a young woman with two children under 5; she was friendly but feisty - she bargained hard and laid down a strict list of tasks that she would do and not do. She worked with us for a month, after which she had to stop. Because, her husband didn’t like her working; it injured his prestige, you see. If you think you are the boss, you work and support the family, I’m not going to contribute anything, he whined. And that was that - she had to stop. In the interests of maintaining some peace at home.

Read the rest of my new post, over at Women’s Web.

apu Women & Feminism

It’s very, very early yet, but have received pretty encouraging responses to Women’s Web. We’ve also managed to solve the problem with registration that some users had, so those of you who faced initial problems, please do try again now.

We have two new features up, on Financial Lessons from the 2008-09 recession and on Writing your resume after a break. Plus, there is an interview with Bhavna Chauhan, debutant author of ‘Where Girls Dare’, a novel around women in the Indian army. The first of our bloggers (apart from me), chimed in with a post on mother-daughter bonding.

I’m trying to set up a feeds link here so that it automatically gets updated, but right now, there seems to be some problem with feeds. I’m also trying to figure out how best to use social media to get the site to a larger audience. Women’s Web is on twitter, and that is being regularly updated, but I haven’t done much beyond that. Suggestions from savvy folks are welcome!

Update: We have a Facebook group for Women’s Web now. Sign up!

apu Media-Movies-Ads, Women & Feminism