Indian Values, Raising Children
The DVD of Love, Sex aur Dhokha has been lying around at home for some time, but it was only over this weekend that I got around to watching it. Directed by Dibakar Banerjee (of Khosla ka Ghosla fame), LSD is actually three stories in one, with peripheral links to each other.
The first one is a mushy love story, the second an MMS sex scandal and the third, about the media’s voracious appetite for ’stings’. It is the second and third stories that really hold your attention; the first one is slow to heat up and I almost forwarded a little of the first 10-15 minutes. Yet, my mind keeps going back to it. (This post isn’t a movie review though.)
*Spoilers here, beware!*
When the love story of Rahul, aspiring director at a film institute and Shruti, the “Simran” of his film begins, it is hard not to think of this love story as more a paean to DDLJ than anything else. Cheesy like the film they are making, it is hard to imagine that Rahul and Shruti really love anything beyond the feeling of being in love.
And yet, given the conservative family Shruti comes from, there is no possibility of their dating or getting to know each other. Love must lead to an elopement and marriage almost immediately. Rahul’s blithe confidence that after marriage, the family will “come around”, is almost revolting to watch in its stupidity. The end, when it comes, is gruesome, even though nothing of this honour killing is really shown.
Just yesterday, the Supreme Court has issued a notice asking the Central Government (and a few states), why they are doing nothing to combat the recent spate of honour killings.
The thing about us Indians is that we pride ourselves on our superior ‘Indian values’; we lose no chance to deride Western societies for their (alleged) lack of affection, ‘family values’ and morality. Nowhere is this more evident than in our smug attitude to the upbringing of children. It is so common to hear people talking as though Indians are the only people that know how to bring up children well - everywhere else, children are neglected, spoilt, abused and grow up to have no love for their parents.
And yet, this is the country where a good chunk of people are all too ready to sacrifice their children in the name of honour, society, family name and blah blah. Honour killing is one extreme end of the spectrum, but the unwillingness to accept children’s choices and their happiness as a primary consideration exists in many other forms, ranging from emotional blackmail to being ‘cast out of the family’.
Gajar-ka-halwa aside, we need to stop kidding ourselves. I suppose we have good and bad parents like everywhere else, but no magic beans that qualify us as the best parents on earth.
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Totally agree.
Spot on Apu. We need to look at ourselves and see what we’re doing wrong instead of sitting around condemning other cultures and societies. There’s a lot of good in each culture. Why not absorb and appreciate that?
Hi,
Loved your post. At my home, I’ve kept off from watching the movie because I didn’t hear great things about it. The greatest gift my parents gave me was freedom and I think I learned life’s best things by using it responsibly. I have always made my choices and stood by them. I would do the same with my child.
You mentioned honor killings, do check this out on my site:
http://www.lawisgreek.com/indian-laws-honor-killings-in-india/
Just keep blogging.
Best,Swapna
I am in agreement with you.
Though, I haven’t seen this movie. The name itself is so repulsive
Could not agree more. ‘Gajar-ka-halwa aside, we need to stop kidding ourselves. I suppose we have good and bad parents like everywhere else, but no magic beans that qualify us as the best parents on earth.’ Absolutely! We have our share of great parents, and so does the rest of the world.
Thanks all for your comments. As Starry says, it’s more helpful to look at ourselves than at others, except to learn what we can. As for the movie, I know the name may be off-putting to some, and the movie too isn’t everyone’s cup of tea - but I thought it was a good effort, though a little self-conscious of its status as a ‘hatke’ movie!
@ Swapna, thanks for that link. I have seen it in the past actually, and thought that site is a very useful effort.
…”the unwillingness to accept children’s choices and their happiness as a primary consideration exists in many other forms, ranging from emotional blackmail to being ‘cast out of the family’.”
This is what I don’t understand. How can we claim to love our children then??? What kind of love is this that is capable of disowning or killing?
And we have to have some complexes to go on and on about how bad other cultures are and how great ours is.
The sense of owning one’s children and hence the right to take all of the decisions for them from which dress to wear to which person to marry - is the basis for all these problems..Indian values is a just an excuse.
@IHM - I guess our values are a lot about conditional love!
@ Reema - spot on! Lucky are the few children who escape this…
Both in Indian culture and in western cultures, the attitude to child rearing has no connection with love or the lack of it. It is just deep rooted value systems.
In western cultures, having a child is a choice and when they do have one, the child is viewed as an individual, a little adult, that needs help in many ways. And child rearing is aimed at helping that individual to attain his/her full functionality.
In asian cultures, having a child is not a choice. There is no ‘if’ and few people get the freedom to choose ‘when’. The society functions by assuming that it is a natural process, the assumption is so deep rooted that the society takes the birth of this generation (and the subsequent generations) and they will follow a certain life style for granted. As to child rearing our society thinks, they know what exactly the ‘baby’ will need and are ready to give an arm and foot to get those needs met assuming the act of selflessness will be a model for the growing up generation. The child will automatically learn to place self after the family/expectations. Child rearing is aimed at integrating the individual in to the common.
So it is not just a matter of loving one’s children.