Want to be an Action Hero?
Spend plenty of time on Facebook? Infuriated by the casual assumption that some women must have done something that caused the harassment?
Join Blank Noise’s I never ask for it campaign on Facebook where you choose from their set of fantastic images and upload it as your profile pic. The entire set is here on flickr, my favourite one is below.
The instructions are simple and I suppose you can choose to use one or more of them (change your profile pic/ change your display message or any of the others).
Go on, be an Action Hero!
I know, I know, what good does activity on FB serve? Shouldn’t we be demonstrating in the streets instead, petitioning the government or something ‘weighty’ like that?
First of all, all these are not mutually exclusive. So, you can spread the message on FB and go for a rally and petition the government.
Secondly, close your eyes for 5 seconds. Can you think of at least one person in your circle who has at some time talked about a woman who was really wearing the wrong things, was in the wrong place, provoked the men, behaved inappropriately blah blah? Easy, isn’t it, to think of such a person, who in many ways, is a decent person?
Your message will talk to the many such decent people who somehow believe that in some circumstances (and curiously, this list is long), women just ask for it.
Very interesting…I will take a look…
I came across this blog post ‘Advice 4 Women:How To Not get a deserved raping’ (http://emqtv.com/blog/uncommonsense/2008/10/25/advice-4-women-how-to-not-get-a-deserved-raping/)
Take a look…Interesting…Most men think like the author…
Sraboney - I started reading that - and then stopped - for fear that I would puke. If he objected to the woman dancing suggestively, he should have stopped her. (yes, men can stop sexual moves too, they are not simpletons whose you-know-what rules everything else.) Simple. But no, he proceeds to talk about “deserved” rape. Ugh.
thanks for sharing this! you’re an action hero star!
While I agree that it is easy to blame the woman concerned, ought we not to educate our girls on male psychology? Men get easily worked up and look for signals where there are none and in most cases the men who rape a minor are well known to them. I feel that it is the responsibility of a mother, an aunt,older sister or friend should come out with their own experiences and warn the young girls on what to expect from men at times old enough to be their grandfathers. If not all at least many of us have had such experiences - not necessarily anything close to rape - that have made us uneasy and uncomfortable at an age when it was difficult to decide whether it was right or wrong. But I wonder why those of our generation could not even open up to our own mothers about it? Having said this I must admit that I hadn’t warned my daughters too when they were in their early teens. But they have trusted me enough to discuss how a boy who was known to our family gave them funny looks or how an uncle touched them where he needn’t have. Here again I advised them to stay away from the offenders but never confronted the person concerned. I think we all need to have open discussions about how these things may be tackled. otherwise we may end up listening to our male counterparts claimimg that they were innocent but were provoked into raping women.This is becoming a mini post sorry.
@sraboney;I read the piececreferred to by you. It was repulsive but it also highlighted the urgent need to educate young men and women on sex and not pretend as if babie were found under mommies bed.
Yes,I am of the firm opinion that women must have done something that it caused them harresement.
BN - thanks.
Padma-ji - I am not at all sure there is a “male psychology”, just as there is no “female” psychology. Sure, gender differences exist, but popular culture magnifies them. Honestly, I feel “warning” girls does very little good, except perhaps they can look out a little more carefully. Ultimately, it is the rapist/molestor/harasser who has to change his behaviour. “staying away” from the offender - this is not always a feasible strategy. Ultimately, if even one’s own house is not safe, what should women do - stop living and thus put an end to harassment? The “men get easily worked up” bit - I somehow don’t believe - does a man who harasses a woman on the road get easily worked up and harass his boss if he gets angry? No, because he knows he cannot get away with it. Ultimately, it is a question of what society will let people get away with - men are adults just like women - if they get worked up too easily, locking such men up is a better solution than having to warn our girls!
Chowla-ji - I completely disagree and am surprised at your saying such a thing. Do you feel the 9-year old girl in Goa did “something”? What about the teenagers in Bombay whose own father raped them on the advice of a tantrik? I was 12 and wearing my school uniform on a bus, when a man first put his hand on my butt. Molestors are the only ones responsible.
‘…somehow don’t believe - does a man who harasses a woman on the road get easily worked up and harass his boss if he gets angry? No, because he knows he cannot get away with it.’
you are right apu.I must admit that I did not look at it that way. Society lets men get away with molesting a woman and willingly holds her responsible. This ought to change.
@apu
I agree Apu, all he had to do was stop her.
“(yes, men can stop sexual moves too, they are not simpletons whose you-know-what rules everything else.)”
I like these images, let me either use these or create one of my own.
Though I agree with you that there are lot of perverts around and they are free to do whatever they want. I find many rapes reported in media happen in pubs or newyear party or on free beaches like Goa and I feel it could also be because many women are wearing inappropriate clothing.
The other day I had gone to pick up daughter from school, there was a parent wearing such a tight and transparent pant which showed her panties and we mothers felt uncomfortable and turned away and there were high school boys who were staring at her.
I do not agree there is no female psychology, male psychology… I joined a co-ed college after studying in an all girls school and it took me the entire first year to correct my ways of talking to boys otherwise they would start taking advantage.
As a parent I should and I would educate my daughter about male perverts and their body language and good touch and bad touch than wait for something bad to happen and punish the pervert
Sorry for the long comment
Thank you, IHM and Padma-ji.
Kowsalya - Long comments welcome, no problem - the only thing is you also get a long response!
Rapes do not happen “because” women wear inappropriate clothing. Rapes happen because sickos decide that a woman’s consent doesn’t matter. Also, who is to decide what is inappropriate? So, if a woman wears a bikini, she is to be punished by rape? I am sure I don’t like the many educated men who pee on our roads - is it alright if we castrate them? Please also do ask yourself what inappropriate things are done by the young girls who are molested every year, and also the many, many rural woman who are raped - who usually wear salwar kameez/sarees. One can’t be more “appropriate” and “covered” than that. Which is why the slogan - no woman of any age, colour, character (or wearing whatever clothing) deserves to be raped.
As to educating children about good touch and bad touch - definitely - and not just girls, but boys too. It’s a misconception that boys are safe. But - even if you educate a child, molestation can still happen - AND - the only culprit is the pervert.
Similarly, women may or may not choose to wear certain things, go to certain places etc - but the only culprit is the molestor or rapist.
This belief “It must be my fault” is there in many women too! and They have to be convinced it is never their fault in order to make them confident to speak up and take action.