Are ‘girls-only’ parents better money managers?
Over at Savadati, Shweta Krishnan has a short story, ‘All that Glitters’, which among other things, is on the humungous amount of money and jewellery that parents are expected to spend on daughters’ weddings. While it is true that parents spend an enormous amount of money on getting daughters married, it also set me thinking about a certain kind of ‘girls-only’ parents - i.e. couples with only girls as opposed to those who have boys or a boy + girl combination.
I have absolutely no data on this and am speaking only from people I see around me - but it sometimes occurs to me that, parents who do not have any sons are actually better prepared for life post retirement. I am of course talking mainly about people from the middle class and upper middle class, who have had the opportunity to save some money; not poorer people who would not have been able to save even if they wanted to.
When it comes to this class of people, it appears as if those who do not have sons are actually more self-reliant and better financially as well as mentally equipped for life after retirement. Why? Because, all their lives, they have lived with the assumption that they will have to fund their old age themselves. Because they do not know what sort of families their daughters will be given into, whether those families will allow a daughter to help her own parents. (And lest you think this is the sort of thing that happens only in movies - I can easily recall a bride-seeing ceremony where one of the questions that the groom’s educated and affluent parents had was: After the wedding, whom will the bride hand over her salary to?) Because a daughter’s support during one’s old age is still a pleasant surprise, a bonus - not something that can be assumed.
So, they plan their expenses much more carefully, they lay by a nest egg for themselves, perhaps they even skimp on things when they are younger. Of course, this is not entirely a bad thing, because it always feels good to feel financially comfortable and independent. Parents who have sons, on the other hand, often seem to feel a certain comfort that their old age will be taken care of. Which may or may not happen. Stories abound in India, of parents left destitute. Even if not driven to poverty, there are certainly parents who do not get the financial support from their sons, that they had anticipated.
The current generation of urban 50 year olds will perhaps be the first generation to start breaking away from the traditional Indian belief in children being an investment for one’s old age. Add to that the fact that disposable income, and therefore investments and savings have grown, allowing people to manage their lives better. (An interesting article, Why the elderly should matter to marketers, that reflects the growing affluence and purchasing power among a small segment of Indians.)
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Hi..first time here..
Completely agree with u that “girls only” parents manage finances better..i feel parents who have a daughter-son combo are not that serious about planning for life post retirement and end up spending beyond their means on the daughter’s wedding and then expect the son to support them..i have seen quite a few of such cases..
hmmm..I think those stories of parents left destitute have had impact on this generation of parents. For example, my parents planned their retirement pretty well in spite of them having a son. May be my parents are more of an exception than a rule…
I agree with you - parents who have only girls are better prepared for retirement because they don’t look at their daughters as retirement funds…In other words, there are no expectations…
pretty thought provoking
Bulls eye! You are right when you say that parents of girls have prepared themselves all their life to fund their old age because their apprehensions are about the kind of families their daughters will marry into and whether they will be happy, things like that. My parents have two daugthers so all their life, I have seen them plan their expenses with a great deal of care. They skimped on so many things for my sister and I because they wanted us to have the best education and opportunity to be financially independent. I have seen that parents who have sons tend to take things with a little more comfort. This post touched a chord as I read it.
@ Sri - welcome here. The expectation of a son as a support during one’s old age is perhaps very deep rooted - and in the absence of investment opportunities and social security, I guess it made sense earlier.
@ Richa - that’s good to hear - I think there is a small, but growing segment of parents, who think this way.
@ Sraboney - yes - ‘no expectations’ - at the same time, I feel there is something a little sad about how little people expect from their girls.
@ Art - thanks!
@ Swapna - I too come from a family of all girls - which is what triggered off the post…plus seeing other such parents.
Good post and so true. I always felt this way, just didnt have a blog to pen it down
It is thought provoking,but I don’t agree with this.
Fund management for life—a long time —depends upon the circumstances prevailing at a given point of time.
It no longer matters ,boys and girls take equal responsibilities,be it professional or family.
At times,the insecurity of the ageing parents may lead to such discussions,but times are changing.
So true! Very relevant point!
Aru - I guess you can relate to it
Chowla-ji - I did not mean that savings and financial mgmt are entirely dependent on whether one has boys or girls - true, that many circumstances will affect it, including the other responsibilities one has, sudden illness etc. But in terms of attitude, this is one thing I’ve observed. Do you really feel girls are encouraged to do as much for their parents as boys are? Or ‘expected’ to?
Starry eyed - thanks…
I also feel girls-only parents are better at managing their finances. They not only educate the daughters well, they also spend on their weddings and for their dowries and in the end they have no hope that their children would prove to be their bank accounts or retirement plans. And yet they manage very well.
IHM - When dowry enters the equation, I feel there is no denying that the cost can lower their quality of life.
I am mother of a 20 years old son who dropped out of a prestigious college in his 3rd year which we paid for and came home has no motivation to study wants us to buy him a car so he can drive to LA work in a gas station may go back to school later. He maxed out his credit card 3 times which we had to pay it off so he does not ruin his credit. He is very rude and disrespectful with us. We tell him we love him because we do not understand why he is so angry and rude. His father has engineering degree but 20 years ago could not find a job in his field and had to work as a sales man to support us and no required experience to work as an engineer so my son says he is afraid he going to end up to be just like his father unable to have motivation to be somebody and looks and talks down to his father. However my daughter will get her PHD at age 25 from Yale is very motivated has a real understanding of her finances knows what she wants and goes after it. what is wrong with this picture.
I guess most parents now (whether they have a girl or boy) are now saving up for themselves. They don’t want to lean on either financially. They want to be independent. Infact I heard from my MIL that during a retirement talk they asked all the retirees to save up their money and not to give any to their sons (they all said “from personal experience).
But I find emotional dependence to be a different issue altogether. However close their daughter is, they want their son near them to give them support. I’ve never really understood that!!!