Instant Divorces
Lately, I seem to be hearing a lot about the break-up of marriages and subsequent divorces. There was the Hiphop Grandmom writing on incompatible alliances and how they’ve led to the breakdown of marriages. Then, today, over the F Word Blog, I read a piece on how British Tory party members want a provision for a ‘three month cooling off’ period in divorce cases. If you look at the comments section on HHG’s piece as well, you will see one line of thought that couples are getting divorced for “frivolous” reasons.
In the last 3 years, I’ve seen a number of people in my own circle applying for divorce. Now, the plural of anecdote is not data, but considering the friends I’ve seen and human nature and Indian society, I somehow feel that people who are going in for a divorce are not doing so for frivolous reasons or on a whim. You may not agree with their specific reason, or you may think they should have tried harder, but whatever it is, I feel divorce is still a very hard route to take, not the easy way out.
Why?
hmmmmm, divorce is hard way out? Really depends on the situation. Why it happens, my summary based on my observation: as women have become more educated, liberal and started asking for their rights, more career oriented. refuse to compromising end all the time…..not all men changed so fast to accomodate changing world of women. I think it drives most of the divorces. At the same time, there are instences I have seen where women have abused the freedom they have started getting. After ansering why it happens in my view, let me describe if it is a hard route.
Yes it is for multiple reasons, but emotionally if bonding has happen, surely hard but it is harder if it has to happen after a couple a has a kid in their lives.
Divorce in some cases is no solution at all.I have a distant relative, a mild mannered girl stuck with a husband with every possible bad habit.It was her mother who asked her to apply for divorce after exhausting all possibilities. The girl got a divorce and started taking tuitions for an income.The good for nothing ex husband would pester her on her way to the tuition centre and take away money from her. He would buy snacks and tea and the tea stall owner would ask her for money. Unfortunately the mother died,the father followed and the girl became a christian and now does odd jobs at the church and is living in a convent.A strong will is required even after divorce.
IWW - women becoming more educated and unwilling to stay in bad marriages is definitely one reason. I don’t understand what you mean by ’some women abusing freedom.’ IMHO, much of this is said when women really exercise their freedom and are not apologetic about it.
Padmaji, of course, divorce may not make everything in your life hunky-dory - most things in life need more work, but still, do you think this girl is happier living in a convent than with her husband? Perhaps! but one thing that is clear from this story - safety for divorced women is still often a concern.
@apu, my male-friend, who believes in gender equality, he got married a couple of years back. He is setteled in US, he brings his wife with him. Wife is an engineer and interested in studying further. Very typical here…My friend is really happy about it, wife starts going to school, husband is paying for everything, and takign care of her in every way - the way her parents would have taken care of her. Now, little over a year after, my friend - husband gets a VERY good job opportunity in another city. It did not make sense to him to stop his wife’s studies b’cos of his carreer. And it would have been hard to transfer to another school for wife. SO husband is ok with the situation wife staying back for the school, after all it was question of 6-9 months. Husband moves to different city, wife stays back and studies, one of them flies every week to meet each other and 3 months later,t heir green card also comes through. Husband is counting months for the time they will be togather and wife drops a bomb…”while u were away i started liking somebody esle”. Husband still tries to convince her…and one day husband calls me, in tears, tells me he will be gettign divorce as his wife wants to live with somebody else. A divorce happens before their 2nd anniversary….
Can write more examples like these, not something i just heard of, those happened to my dearest ones so knwo about it first-hand…. That is what i meant by abusing freedom.
@Padmaji, yes that is why i mentioned in my comment that getting divorce is hard or not is situational, that is why i mentioned it can be hard for multiple reasons besides emotional.
IWW, what would you have had her do? Stay in a marriage when she loved someone else because the husband had paid for her education? IMHO, that is a transaction, not a marriage.