A Climate of Fear
Yesterday afternoon, I was sitting at one of the Coffee Day outlets in Indira Nagar meeting two clients (also women) for the first time. As we sat discussing the project and sipping our coffees on the outdoor patio, I was suddenly conscious that there was a group of about 7 men standing on the pavement, right beside the outlet. My first thought was that it was just a bunch of guys hanging around, perhaps waiting for someone. But then, as time went by, I realised that they weren’t moving. And they were a bit too old to be college kids - perhaps in their late 20s or early 30s. What were they doing just standing on the pavement for so long?
It is some measure of the climate the recent attacks have created that my thoughts immediately went to the outfit I was wearing. Jeans, long sleeveless shirt. Great. Just the kind of thing attackers targetting Western clothing might be looking for. Almost immediately, I felt silly. I mean, a bunch of men stand around on the road and one gets suspicious? Yet, part of me wouldn’t push the possibility away. After all, by now it was almost 10 minutes since these men had been standing there. And from time to time, they would look at us. Was it just the regular ‘checking out women’ or something more sinister?
Though I was meeting these two clients for the first time, I decided to voice my fears. It hadn’t occurred to them, but once I said it, it didn’t seem implausible to them either. But, we told ourselves that it was unlikely and that we should just carry on with our meeting. After all, since they weren’t doing anything particular, they would probably leave in some time, right?
They didn’t. Time went by - another 10 minutes, then another 10. We gave up all pretense of working. From time to time, one or two of the men would turn and glare at us. By now, my stomach was churning. What if they were just waiting for us to step out so that they could attack us? They weren’t carrying any sticks or other weapons, but from time to time, they would make calls on their cellphones. Were they recruiting a larger crowd? And in any case, 7 of them against 3 of us would be no fight. Even as I told myself that I was being absurd, part of me was petrified. It was now more than a half hour since they had been standing around, now openly looking at us.
I believe that all of us must protest in some way against the kind of hooliganism that has been unleashed in Karnataka. I’ve been fiercely angry about the way my city is deteriorating. Yet, faced with a potential situation like this, I felt like a coward. All I wanted to do was run away, not attract attention. Of course, there was also the fact that getting beaten up wouldn’t be any kind of protest! We wondered if we should call the police or the Vanita Sahayavani, the helpline for women. But, what would we tell them? A bunch of guys on the road are glaring at us? Finally, I called my husband who works nearby. So did one of my clients. As we waited for them to arrive, we wondered if the men would leave. More than 45 minutes since they had first landed there, they still didn’t.
Our husbands arrived. We left, in the safety of a car. Nothing happened. I felt like I was leaving the fight - a fight which never happened, a fight that was perhaps only in my head, and yet, something I felt I should have put to the test. Because, by leaving, I had given them (not these men specifically, since they may have been harmless, but the fundamentalist groups in general) one small victory. They had disrupted our work, made us wonder if we should have met elsewhere, wasted our time and taught us to fear. That is no mean achievement, isn’t it?
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“Hush little baby, dont say a word
And never mind that noise you heard
Its just the beast under your bed,
In your closet, in your head”
Considering the fact that you feel and have written so much about it, i think it was the right time for you to take some action. you could have asked the people in the coffee shop for help and once when your husband arrived you could have tried handling the situation diplomatically
Yes, I would have felt the same thing! You are doing a brave and brilliant job of talking about it. Please keep writing about it, I am so glad I found this wonderful blog.
And yes protest are necessary, but also awareness, women should know they need not blame themselves for such attacks.
Even if they were harmless, haven’t they created fear?
Sri -
But trust me when I say those men were glaring at us… of course that by itself doesn’t make them goondas.
Ashwath - yes, which is what I also felt that I should have done ’something’. But what? I could have asked people around for help, but at that point - there really was no problem, so what would I have told someone? As it is , I felt silly even explaining it to my own husband, imagine how I would have explained it to a stranger!
IHM - thanks for the kind words. I did feel that participating in the marches that are happening in the city or helping out with these efforts, makes more sense than confronting these men. While I may have felt braver, it wouldn’t have helped anyone in any way.
Hey..That was a bit scary..I was already feeling a bit worried reading about the attacks in B’lore and all. Be careful!
Oops! Scary but i think u could have told the Coffee day staff- specially if those seedy guys kept staring. . .
and i recollect the crank calls in a hotel in blore during my summers so long ago…..brigade road did not feel safe even then
Aru - thanks. Yes. Need to be careful, though I don’t see what one can do - stop going out? wear only salwar kameez? where does it stop?
Art - the thing is, I didn’t see how that would have helped. How much effort it would have taken me to explain the whole thing to them and convince them that there was indeed something to fear! Either I should have been really brave and just walked out as usual, brushing aside my fears. If I have to take help, why wouldn’t I take my husbands help when he happens to be nearby, rather than a stranger’s, who may or may not believe me? And I wouldn’t blame them - cos, the point is nothing had happened. It was just fear that something would and ofcourse the way those men glared did nothing to reduce that fear.
That’s terrible Apu. I think you did the right thing. But I can imagine how frustrating it must have been to give these men a small victory. This kind of subtle but threatening behaviour is terrible. They’ve achieved what they set out to do but in a manner in which they gave you nothing concrete to lodge a complaint. Take care.
That was very scary. I think so much nowadays when I have to go and meet some people alone. It is so sad that the fear has set it, but I know that it has set in. I ensure that I do not wear something which is even a tad too western. But then I can not give up jeans! I won’t!
I wonder if the CCD guys would have said something also… as the guys were just standing on the pavement and not said even a word against anyone. It is completely disheartening that when we think about all these things, and we are faced with it, we really can not do anything much.
God!!! That was scary for sure…
Thank God that nothing happened but the fact that we have to live with moments of fear is frustrating!!!! Had I been in ur place even I wud have been scared…
I think you all handled the situation well but I also think u were lucky!!!
I trust you Apu, and I didnt mean to make fun of your fear or anything.Ideally, no woman should be living in fear. Its a shame that you had to do what you did. I understand your situation. If these people had walked away after 25 mins and turned out to be harmless, would it have made you a little more fearless today? In a way, it is bad that you never found out the truth about these guys, because you still have your fears, and also your doubts. But it is also good, that you are more aware of this state of fear, and your own courage. And courage is not so much the lack of fear, but the right response to fear. With insufficient information, what you did was courageous.
yeah! It is a very frustrating situation..But i guess atleast being aware like you were is good! I guess thats what i meant by careful..
You’ve raised an excellent point… now, everytime a woman in Western clothes sees men standing and staring, she’s going to be scared. Not only does this affect the women, it also affects those men who had no intentions to attack.
And you can’t blame yourself for feeling scared or “like a coward”. Anyone in your situation would have been scared, tempted to run away. Getting beaten up is not a solution or a way to stand up to them.
apu:
You might be interested in this: http://www.isea2008singapore.org/exhibitions/air_gendered.html
It’s an artwork on gendered loitering. On the gendering of public spaces and women’s strategies in negotiating them.
All - thanks for the supportive words. I was unable to attend last saturday’s rally, but I believe there was a decent turnout; I also spoke to Maraa (www.maraa.in), one of the organisations that is working under the banner of Fearless Karnataka to combat this issue, and they need help in many different ways. So all those who feel strongly about this issue, do check out what you can offer.
SS - thanks for the link. I am surprised to learn that even in a society like Singapore, this continues to be an issue.
wow.. that was some good thinking… my only worry was if they came ahead and ended up in a confrontation with your husbands… after reading about the Bangalore assaults on the blogs, i declared to The Other that we are never moving to Bangalore. Language chauvinism is an ugly thing. Once it raises its head in a society, it never dies out.
You live in Bangalore? Why did I think Bombay? Anyway if you would like to meet on my next trip, do let me know by email. Thanks.
Hi,
Im shocked and saddened to hear about these attacks in my hometown, I live far away now and dont keep up with the news.
There is one option you havent mentioned - self defense. Pepper spray, maybe a small knife with some training would keep these cowards at bay. I also recommend martial arts training.