What makes them sing?
As a woman, one learns very early on that there are all sort of creeps on the road. There are the kinds who walk as if they are in a hurry, and at the last minute, bump into you. There are the sorts who always look at a point somewhere 10 inches below your eyes. There are the ones on a bus/train who feel up your butt (or any other handy part) quickly, and when you turn back to glare/fight/whack them, pretend that the hand belonged to someone else. And then, there are the weirdos who sing.
What is it with these men who sing at perfectly unknown women? Last week, I was on my way to the bus-stop near my house, on a slightly deserted road, when a young boy, about 15 or 16, passed me on a cycle. As he passed me, he turned his head to sing something to me, before zooming away. I could not hear him very well or figure out what song it was. It set me thinking - what really is it that this creep was trying to do? His message was audible only to him, so it wasn’t even like he succeeded in conveying anything to me.
This is not the first time I’ve had a strange man sing in my direction, nor has it always been young men. Sometimes, I really, really blame Bollywood (and other Indian cinema), for producing such sick farces in the name of love. You know the story - dashing young man woos unwilling young woman through what can only be called harassment - because, of course, the lady only needs to be persuaded, no isn’t really no. On the other hand, it is difficult to believe that anyone takes what they see in the movies that seriously. But, perhaps, even if they don’t believe it literally and don’t expect the woman on the street to fall in love with them for the price of a song - perhaps, they do think that at some level, women will welcome any kind of attention?
There is also of course the possibility that they do it to make themselves feel ‘macho’ and good. I’m inclined to think this is the real reason and that they don’t actually care very much whether the woman responds or not. My guess is, if a woman actually responded in any manner, they’d be more shocked than anything, since she is quite besides the point.
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I think it is the importance a boy/man gets among his peers that makes them behave so.A boy known to me was perhaps 12 or 13 years of age when he innicently said that the ‘bhaiyyas’ he played cricket with (he’d actually be allowed to fetch the ball from the outfield-read gutter-and imagine that hw was actually playing cricket) had done ‘everything’ with their girl friends. I was initially shocked but I later realized that this is just a kind of bragging that these grown up and not so grown up men indulge in.So if a boy sings in an inaudible voice to a girl he may exaggerate it to the extent that his friends may want to believe that he was Amir Khan doing it to some Juhi Chawla.
good question. why SING of all things and the annoying part is some of the songs get stuck in your head after that
Padma-ji - Very true; peer pressure/expectations and the desire to show off. This also means that attitudes towards women and harassment will change faster if it comes from the peer group, isn’t it?
Itchy - that’s never happened to me, but I bet it is mighty annoying!
The movies are definitely responsible to a great extent……for the singing, for the wooing that would be considered stalking in most sensible societies……but it’s finally us, isn’t it? It’s what we allow as acceptable and accepted behaviour.
Cheers,
Quirky Indian
http://quirkyindian.wordpress.com
QI - welcome here! oh yes, it is definitely what “we” as society condone - if, every time someone did this, there was collective disapproval, I bet such incidents would come down. Right now, mostly we are apathetic (this is India, this is how it works), or we excuse the culprit’s behaviour (why was she wearing such clothes in this locality etc etc)
Hi Apu,
I think, in India, women are expected to put up with all kinds of bad behavior. I faced sexual harrassment at work, and most people I spoke to, advised me to ignore it. That is, those who didn’t pretend that I had actually said ’sexual harrassment’ aloud. Most times I mentioned it, the common response was: ‘So, which movie have you seen recently’ or something suitably safe.
As a society, we subconsciosly think that ‘good’ women should gracefully tolerate anything that society throws their way, from rape to being sung to. As a woman, you ‘adjust’
Makes me want to flee the country, honestly. Sometimes, I hate being an Indian woman.