In a heartening development, the Supreme Court has made it clear that nobody has the license to rape a woman and claim that it’s ok because she has already been sleeping with others. The disheartening thing of course is that the Supreme Court is needed to point this out, when it should be perfectly obvious. A woman’s body is her personal property to do with as she chooses; she could sleep with ten people if she likes and refuse the eleventh. She could be a prostitute but still refuse to sleep with someone, because, it is her body and she owns it. Sigh. Why is this so hard to get?
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Posted on August 29th, 2008 by apu
Filed under: Women & Feminism in India
how very true but how many understand?I think the same applies to widows also.she may marry again if she feels inclined but that is entirely her choice.people behave as if they have a right to say anything to her and get away with it.
Padmaji - yes - it all essentially boils down to exerting power over women in one form or another.
It was only recently that the onus of proving himself innocent has been put on the accused in a rape case in India. Till before that, the raped had to prove in court that she had really been raped. Hopefully, with changes like these, wwe will be able to turn around the popular mindsets and provide equal rights to women.
So…. up until now in India it was thought that only “virgins” could be raped? Everyone else - married or single - well you can’t rape them because they are already “accustomed” to intercourse?!?!
What sort of logic is that?
Taken to the extreme I should say such men should have sex with their own mothers because, “she is accustomed to having you inside her”.
Really, I tell you, I don’t know what to make of this….
D - evidence seeking and crime solving, is poor in India, I believe, across all sorts of cases - not just in rape cases - it’s just that in rape cases, there is added baggage in terms of how “deserving” law enforcement officials think a victim is.
HP - No, it’s not as simple as that - certainly people don’t think that only virgins can be raped; however many people do seem to think that only “virtuous” women deserve protection - so a “good” wife will be deserving of protection - even if she is used to sex, it is “sanctioned” sex, under marriage - so she is seen as deserving protection, and if her “honour is outraged”, there will be many willing to defend her. However, “loose” women, i.e. women who may choose to have sex outside marriage are often not seen as deserving - they are seen as having lost their honour. Prostitutes of course are not seen as having any rights at all. So, it is a more an issue of whether a woman is seen as following society’s accepted norms for sexual contact. Women who do follow all the norms, would be very much respected, at least in theory!
So how does this fare on the personal, practical level with you ladies, when you are in relationships with men?
I have a few friends who are looking to establish romantic relationships with Indian men, not neccessarliy marriage, but dating, and live in relationships, with a possible view towards marriage.
Would you advice non-Indian women to even consider men from such a culture?
I have a friend that lives outside India and was raised in what anyone would consider a very sheltered home and has no idea about the world outside her 4 walls. She has a daughter and a son and is very concerned for her daughter’s safety and is relieved that she does not have to worry about her son getting raped - I tried explaining that it can and does happen to boys, but her question was - “so what? if they do, how is the boy going to get hurt? how can anyone tell?” This leads me to think that a lot of how rape is perceived in India is fromt he standpoint that a woman has to be untouched at marriage, but once her hymen is broken, she or anyone else can hide the fact that she has been raped?
I would say that woman is psychologically disturbed, and an unfit mother.
She needs to watch some LIFETIME movies about the effects of molestation and rape on boys, and later, on the men they become.
I know some men who have been molested and raped as children and the effects are just as devastating as they are for girls.
Also, sometimes when children are molested, they grow up to repeat the behaviour as a perpetrator.
This woman needs to get out and learn about life.
Why is she sheltered? Who is sheltering an adult woman?
HP, on the personal level - it varies in every relationship I suppose! Not all Indian men have the double standard mentality - I would hesitate to tar everyone with that brush, but yes, plenty of men AND women would subscribe to the dominant view in society, which is that women need to conform to a certain standard to deserve protection.
Laksh - certainly the case you mention is not unique - I do agree that rape and loss of virginity and shame are all very closely associated in the Indian context - which is why, even now, regressive Indian films can show rape as acceptable provided the victim is offered marriage!
HP - while your anger on this is understandable, its not uncommon for (some) women to lead fairly sheltered lives - thats just the way some families bring them up, and its very hard for even adult women to suddenly go out and change the way they deal with the world.
I agree. I have gone from sheer disbelief to now just turning off the movie when I see a depiction like you mentioned - that it is okay for a guy to marry a woman he raped and everyone is absolved of all crime, when in reality, the crime has just become worse.
HP: I lived and studied in a college in a small town in TamilNadu and you will NOT believe the types of sheltered lives that women lead and what is more, it is drilled into them that they don’t know much about the outside world and hence it is better for them that the men folk take care of their needs outside the home. I have talked with so many women about childhood abuses in various places, many of them admit to being sexually abused by someone or another in varying degrees of abuse, I have been in groups which have heard other women share similar experiences and yet, when the news is rife about a child sex offender on the loose in the US, these same women turn around and claim that life is much safer in India and that this would never happen in India!