Apu’s World

The other day, I was talking to my sister about this feeling I have increasingly; this feeling that I am living an extremely privileged life due to what is essentially an accident of birth. I didn’t always feel this way. When I was younger, my focus was mainly on what I wanted to do, the obstacles I had to cross, the things I would achieve. As I grow older, I feel more and more that individual effort and success is only part of the game. Let me explain.

For the last year or so, I have been noticing this group of children in and around M.G.Road. All of them are impossibly thin. They stand at traffic signals, often in groups of 2 or 3. Sometimes, one of the older kids will even carry an infant. These children are not ordinary beggars. Their modus operandi is to entertain you in return for money. This entertainment, they provide by putting themselves through hoops, literally. They carry these tiny hoops, hardly more than a foot in diameter, and they contort their bodies to pass through these hoops. Then, they come up to you, tap the windows of you car, and ask for money. They don’t beg or plead. They demand. When I look at their eyes, I see sullenness and anger. There is no childhood left in these eyes. I have seen beggars before. Who hasn’t, on our streets? But these children are one of the most painful sights I’ve ever seen.

Everytime I pass them, I wonder - what is this rage that their young life has already taught them to feel? Watching them put their bodies through those hoops, somersault at busy junctions, move away just as vehicles begin to speed - it is gut-wrenching. Watching their eyes - it is impossible to feel contented with one’s safe life. It is not difficult to imagine how one’s life would be, if born into such a family.

India is shining, in a sense. Certainly the economic boom has benefited many people, including people from poor families who can now get better jobs. But large parts of the population are still left out. Sometimes I feel that the middle class is either immune to or contemptuous of poor people. Often, I hear comments like, “they just squander away their money.” Certainly, there are men from poor families who drink away their money instead of spending it on their children. But, I am sure alcoholism is not absent in affluent families as well; the only difference may be that they have a better safety net to fall back on.

Once, someone told me that they didn’t contribute to charity since the children supported by these organizations were kept in “unnecessary luxury.” Who are we to decide that destitute children should not enjoy some comforts? Why should we prescribe that children on welfare should only get the most basic of materials? I bet no one thinks the same for their own children. It’s a different story that in reality, many charitable organizations have little comfort to offer - they operate in fairly basic conditions.

Sometimes I feel the middle class has an inflated sense of its own troubles. We spend a 1000 rupees for a celebratory meal at a fancy restaurent, but crib about how expensive maids have become, when it comes to adding a 100 rupees to her pay. I am not advocating austerity - every individual has the right to spend their hard earned money - but if we cannot do much for others, atleast let us not harm those poorer than us. Propagating negative stereotypes of the poor is harming them - it creates a climate of acceptance. It makes it convenient to say, “Oh, these people will never improve” and walk away. Sure, personal responsibility is important. But, even to take that responsibility, each individual needs the right opportunities. Let us not blame poor people for their poverty.

Some worthy organizations working with children: Project Why (New Delhi), Sri Rakum School for the Blind (Bangalore), Udavum Illangal Ullam (Chennai)

apu Other Social issues in India

Many people (including me) have this burning conviction that we’re meant to do something by ourselves - setting up your own business is becoming more and more common in India, as people start earning better at an earlier age and can afford to take more risks by the time they are 30 or so.

Naturally, where there is interest, there is opportunity, and where there is opportunity, can scammers be far behind? Via Escape from Cubicle Nation, I came across Business Week’s slideshow story on the 10 Most Common Home-Business Scams. Not all qualify strictly as “home” business, but all of them are essentially tricks that wannabe entrepreneurs fall for. (sometimes, people who’d just like some extra income while taking care of family, too.)

Have a look!

apu Entrepreneurship

A few days ago, I came across this case in a Delhi court, where custody of a 9-year old girl, was awarded to her grandparents rather than her mother (the father, in this case, was dead). Two things seem to have contributed to this - one, for some reason, the girl seems to have been staying with her grandparents for some time, and two, the girl stated that she would prefer to continue living with them.

I am a bit confused by the whole thing. While certainly a child’s wishes are important, is it possible that a 9 year old girl may not be able to judge the whole thing correctly? Since she has been living with her grandparents for some time, it is possible that her familiarity with them at this point of time, is greater. But given time, she could re-establish a relationship with her mother. It seems strange that when a parent is alive, he or she should be passed over.

One extremely annoying point is that the judge seems to have taken into account the mother’s being a working woman, as a significant factor while awarding custody. How should this matter at all? The court seems to be implying that working women cannot do a good job of childcare. Certainly the mother is going to be out of the house for a large part of the day; I assume she knows how to manage that! Why does the court need to decide whether or not she can handle it? Infact, the mother does have another child living with her currently. If the parent were abusive or mentally unfit, that’s another question, but there is no such indication in this case. So, it does seem as though the court is discriminating against working women. 

I don’t necessarily believe that a mother is the only possible guardian - certainly, in cases where there is a custody battle between mother and father, I think the court can try and establish preferences from the child or see who would make a better caretaker. But giving custody to the grandparents is very strange, and somewhat impractical - it is not clear how old the grandparents in this case are, but naturally, grandparents are much older than parents and will pass away earlier. Even if 1 grandparent passes away, the other may find it difficult to handle things. What happens to the girl then? The court has ruled that “In view of her wishes, if the custody of the minor girl is disturbed, it would be detrimental to her interest.” How about if she is forced to move when she is 14 or 15 and her affection for her grandparents is even greater?

I wonder when our system ever going to get out of this mindset that a woman’s primary job is home and child care, and anyone doing anything else must necessarily not be a good mother.

apu Women & Feminism

A couple of weeks ago, I read the extremely well known Tamizh novel “Chithira Paavai”. This was written by the eminent writer, Akilan, sometime in the 60’s I think. I read novels mainly for their entertainment value - I am one of those terrible readers who is always impatient to know ‘what happens’. However, I enjoyed Chithira Paavai as much for the language and story, as I did for the window it gave me into life in Madras a.k.a Chennai at that time.

As a Madras girl, some of the stuff was really funny to me. Did you know that in the 50s, the road from Madras to Mahabalipuram was still being laid? The ‘regular’ way to travel was by boat, an overnight journey on the Adayar! Today we race to Mahabs on the swanky ECR Road in 2 hours, while the Adayar river is a stinky mess that no one in their right minds would really consider a river.

The price of a ground (a 60*40 sq.ft piece of land) with a built house, in the Mylapore Tank area, was about Rs. 50,000. Shock, shock, naturally - since at the rate Chennai land prices are moving these days, soon a few feet of land is all that will be available for 50K.

Many of the characters, especially the older ones, still view the city suspiciously - their rural roots are still very visible. I suppose this was the time when the first large scale migrations out of agriculture happened. That’s very clearly reflected in the novel. 

Young girls wore saris, and men still wore the traditional veshti (dhoti), some even to college. While I know from my mom that even in the 70s, wearing saris to college was very common, I thought Indian men had already moved to Western clothes.

Some spoilers…

One of the main characters, Anandi agrees to marry a man she feels little for (and dislikes in some ways), because he forces a kiss on her and she has been “spoilt.” Anandi is depicted as the “ideal” Tamizh woman - graceful, soft-spoken, cautious, helpful, sacrificing, ever thoughtful of others. A reflection of the social milieu? The good thing of course is that though she goes through enormous hardship as a result of this marriage, eventually she has the courage to break it up. Commonsense and the emerging feminist stance is showcased through another character, Anandi’s friend Sarada, who declares that it is stupidity to sacrifice oneself to another’s idiocy.

In every sense, I got the feeling that we’ve come a long way.

* When a novel from the 60s could end with such a progressive declaration of Anandi walking out, I wonder why Tamizh films today persist in portraying rapists as just-too-passionate gentlemen who make everything all right when they marry the victim. Grrr.

apu The Literary life

A few days ago, when I thought about the conflict parents face when their daughters become “too liberal”, I was really thinking from my own perspective as an educated, young, urban professional. When a commenter mentioned that liberalism does not yet extend to accepting choices such as homosexuality, I was, at first, a bit startled. This was because, frankly, I had not thought about the issues faced by people different from me. …

Read the complete piece over at Ultraviolet, that lovely Indian Feminist colla-blog; I have just joined the team there, and I’m so honoured to be part of such an initiative!

Blogging will be slow here this week due to work + travel. Rukavat ke liye khed hai!

 

apu Other Social issues in India, Women & Feminism